TV News and Reviews @ KickAssTV.com

With the movie franchise hobbling on its last leg (”Trinity” was a disaster in almost ever respects), the Powers That Be made the most sensible decision (didn’t they?) and transplanted their franchise into TV form. So “Blade: The Series” was born. On basic cable network Spike TV, no less. With original “Blade” star Wesley Snipes spending his days in Romania making crappy direct-to-video action movies, the franchise producer, David Goyer, has tapped rapper Sticky Fingaz (no kidding, this is his name) as the new Blade. He’s a younger, shorter, but just as black, version of Blade. Well, at least they didn’t make Blade white, so that’s something.

Instead of Whistler, Blade now has an Asian sidekick/guy-who-does-stuff-for-him named Shen (Nelson Lee). Plus, he gets some help from a butt-kicking, gun-toting female ex-soldier (Jill Wagner) just back from the war, whose little brother got himself shot dead by vampires. (Apparently little bro was up to his balls in vamps.) So while Blade is going around doing his usual Blade thing, our female lead is bummed about her brother’s death. It’s worst since the cops seem clueless and keeps calling little bro a gangmember. Despite not having been home for 2 years, big sis is sure little bro wasn’t a gangmember. Eventually she discovers the vampires (after a run-in with Blade) and joins up with Blade to kill the bloodsuckers, and that’s when things get weird.

From the first action scene, it’s quickly obvious that unlike Wesley Snipes, star Sticky Fingaz doesn’t actually know martial arts. Or if he does, then he’s lousy at it. This is problematic, as the pilot has a lot of action in it. Fingaz does what he can with his limited physical ability, and camera tricks and wireworks do the rest. Having landed the leading role, one expects Fingaz to start learning actual martial arts, the same way most actors do for their roles. Still, you have to wonder why Goyer and company didn’t hire an actor who actually knows martial arts in the first place. Oh well, at least Fingaz looks like Blade. He’s obviously seen all the movies, and knows all the poses and moves, and even the whispery voice, so that’s a plus for him.

Blade — say “Hi” to Blade

To be perfectly honest, Fingaz sucks as Blade. And I don’t say this as a diehard fan of the franchise. I admit to liking the franchise, but I’m not in love with it, which is why the idea of spinning the movies off into a series actually sounded pretty good to me.

But if Blade kinda sucks, then model Jill Wagner, as the gun-toting Krista, is pretty good. She’s friggin fantastic, in fact. Not to mention sexy as hell. The pilot plays out mostly from Krista’s perspective, as she investigates her little bro’s death. The 2-hour pilot takes a while to get going, but it does hit its stride around the 45-minute mark once Krista and Blade hooks up.

Jill Wagner: Hottie Vampire Killer

The series seems to be taking its cues, and mythology, from the movies, which is no surprise given Goyer’s involvement. He knows enough about his own franchise to create a bible for the show that keeps things in tune with the movies. Once again, the vampires are clanish, and have taken over various society infrastructures, while hiding out in the open. The series’ main villain is a Euro trash vampire played by Neil Jackson, who was the one responsible for shooting Krista’s brother. Neil is nowhere as cool as Deacon Frost from the first “Blade” movie, but he makes a servicable enough villain.

The pilot is generally well done, but there’s obvious budget constraints. The action scenes are not set pieces, and around the middle there’s almost no action to be found. The final 15 minutes of course is filled with action, but they’re nothing spectacular. Think of the lamest action sequence from the three movies, and they are better than the pilot’s best. But thankfully the worsening condition of Krista’s situation does keep one’s attention, if only because, as mentioned, Jill Wagner is an incredibly attractive woman, and she ends up in slinky evening wear for much of the second half.

“Blade: The Series” has promise, but Sticky Fingaz needs to learn martial arts, or at least learn some actual fighting skills. Muscles and a tough act can get you only so far, but if he can’t sell the action scenes in an action series, we got us a problem. Will I tune in for a second episode? No. But if I were to stumble across it, I wouldn’t turn away, either.