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Watch terrorist scum blow up San Antonio. Watch Jack Bauer be sacrificed to stop the reign of terror. Watch Jack Bauer go all Dracula on a terrorist scum. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, “24″ is back, and Jack Bauer, despite spending 2 years (or thereabouts) in a Chinese prison being tortured and forced to eat soy sauce and Kung Pao chicken 7 days a week, is still the baddest man on the planet. Or is he? Ol Jack is having doubts about his ability to do the job, or as he confesses to an unlikely source, “I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

“24″ is back with its 6th season and here’s the online trailer. Check out Jack’s beard! I guess his trip to China wasn’t very…nice.

Goddamn, will you look at that? Those Hollywood nitwits finally acknowledged Fox’s “24″ after 5 of the best seasons any show has ever had. No doubt “24’s” Season 5, which featured a Not-Bush Bush President going down in flames, was the reason why Hollywood finally acknowledged the action-adventure series. Before it was just about Muslim terrorists, but it’s not until “24″ targeted its own country’s President that Hollywood took notice. I don’t know whether to snicker at Hollywood’s so obvious anti-Bush agenda or be proud of “24″ for winning.

This isn’t news news, but I just ran across it today, so it’s news to me. As we all know, Jack Bauer got shanghaied (literally!) at the end of Season 5 when Chinese agents snatched him and tossed him into a cargo container, and the last we saw of Jack he was being taken to China via a large cargo ship. And so everyone thought Season 6 would of course be set in China. Well guess again, kiddos!

One day late, but not out, baby! So Bierko has gotten himself a sub full of missiles and he’s gonna be firing them off at American cities, the Russian bastard. It’s up to Jack (of course) and a lone surviving crewman onboard the sub to go all “Die Hard” on the Russian separatists. But oops, looks like our Bruce Willis wannabe only has a teeny bitty knife as a weapon. Yikes. Plus, he’s like, 5 years old or sumthin’, which means Jack’s gotta literally talk him through cutting a guy’s throat. Oooh, fatherly!

Can you believe this? I was so looking forward to today’s “24″ season finale that it completely slipped my mind this was a 2-hour episode, so I didn’t get in until 3 minutes into hour two. Which means, of course, that I immediately turned the channel to NBA basketball so I don’t ruin the first hour that I missed. This means I’m going to have to download an episode from the net and watch it just so I can review it for you kiddies. The bad news is that it’s going to take at least a day to download, but the good news is that I’ll at least have some screenshots for you guys. Bah, I’d rather see it live, though…

Watch out, Miles, Jack’s coming for you!

Ooops, too late!

“I’m sorry, Karen, my intelligence was faulty,” says Not-Bush President Logan. The “24″ writers are too keen for words, boys and girls. Hee hee.

(Speaking of which, how funny is that Real-Bush pre-empted about 30 minutes of this 2-hour Fox block? Har har. Coincidence, are serendipity? You figure it out.)

The President is going to shoot down Jack Bauer and a bunch of civilians on a plane. Oh hell no!

And here’s some good news: Secretary Heller survived his moonlight swan dive!

Ah, look, “24″ just totally pulled a “S.W.A.T” by landing that plane on the freeway! Heh heh, dumbass President Logan is in a world of shit now.

You know that very distinctive CTU phone ring on “24″? You know what I’m talking about if you know the show. It’s really cool, and I’ve never heard anything like it.

Well I was so enamored with it that I went looking for it, and I’ve found it. Here it is, in .wav format.

Jack Bauer is going to hijack a plane. No, I am not f’in you. He’s gonna hijack a f’in plane. Holy shite!

Everything else is filler material between Jack going through the small charter plane looking for Christopher Henderson’s bag man. He takes out the Air Marshal with a karate chop (Air Marshals have glass jaws!) and ends up in baggage with the wrong man where he’s subsequently trapped! Oops.